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Post by Haine on Sept 19, 2009 15:25:52 GMT -5
The guilt from just thinking about it was immense. Phil really liked Thalia, it was just... he honestly didn't know anymore. All of his thoughts were just coming from nowhere in this big horrible jumbled mess. It was truly a moment full of contradictions. Everything was so wrong, yet couldn't be even more right at the same time. Goddammit.
He slowly stood up, walking to lean against the railing. The faint cool breeze sadly didn't help him think like Phil had hoped it would. Instead, it just made him cold. Things seriously just kept getting better and bloody well freaking better... The boy didn't even bother to turn around to face Autumn when he finally started to speak. At least the fresh air had helped Phil relax slightly. His head was feeling mildly clearer. "Don't worry, it wasn't anything bad."
As for what he was thinking, maybe Phil'd tell her some other time. ... Either way, no one should act this cold towards a friend anyway. He laughed slightly, yet clearly it was fake. Phil joined her once again, now using his finger to smooth out the crease in her eyebrows. "Come on. So what are you so worked up about then?" he eventually asked with a smile. The smile? The smile was truly genuine.
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Post by diana on Sept 19, 2009 16:18:07 GMT -5
Autum couldn't help but look after Phil as he walked to the railway. Something he wwas thinking wasn't right. He didn't look normal. Something was way off. Yet Autumn didn't press the matter. She just watched Phil, wondered what was going on, still having his confused expression on her face.
When he walked back over to her though, and smoothed out her eyebrows, did she calm down and just look slightly upset. She didn't know why though. Mayeb her mind was telling he- 'A kiss?! No! He can't kiss me! I mean, not that it wouldn't be completely amazing, but still!!' she thought frantically.
"I guess you could say I'm just slightly concerned. Wondering what exactly you were thinking..." autumn said, trailing off slightly in her thoughts.
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Post by Haine on Sept 20, 2009 12:50:56 GMT -5
Finally Phil's thoughts had unscrambled enough that everything was seperated into two categories, clearly labelled AUTUMN and THALIA. The boy was starting to believe that his mind was currently working on back-up mode, and therefore he'd be here for almost forever waiting for the system to at least get to the welcome page. Yes, such hard thinking had probably broken Phil's mind down into little itty-bitty peices. That's why the above paragraph is pretty much rambling nonsense.
Ah well. Everything'd probably sort itself out, as per usual. If not, Phil always could go ask Gideon or Chase or someone to kill him. He grinned nonetheless, finally pushing all those thoughts to the back of his head like he should have done a long time ago. "Don't worry about me... please? I'm fine. Things are just a bit... out of place right now. Anyway, you being concerned makes me concerned about you."
Phil couldn't really remember the precise order of events that things happened in after that. One minute he'd been talking to Autumn, and the next... well, he'd slowly leant in and kissed her. And you know what? It was amazing. Phil was so going to hell.
ooc//Sucky post. Sorry. Phil's gone weird and wouldn't be as fluffy as I wanted it. Instead he chose to have a freaking breakdown. -.-'
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Post by diana on Sept 20, 2009 13:41:08 GMT -5
Autumn sighed quietly as she looked at Phil. He told her not to worry, so she would try her hardest not to. Even though that was like asking Peeves to behave when guest schools were at Hogwarts. "Why would you be concerned about me being concerned about you?" she asked, then laughed at herself. Thank merlin they were both in Ravenclaw and could understand such a play on words like that.
Before she could get an answer though, Phil had kissed her. Phil had kissed Autumn. And it was completely amazing. She put her arms around his neck and pulled herself in, knowing that she should take advantage of the fact that he was kissing her and who knows how long that would last.
It wasn't as if the kissing had made this night amazing.Well, it had, but that wasn't it. Her mind was also going on the fact that she was kissing one of her best friends boyfriend. And she loved it. But she couldn't love it. Because it was wrong. But it felt so right. But unfair to everyone. Unless Phil asked Autumn out and dumped Thalia. Since, well..they didn't seem like they were really dating.
Well...Autumn was going to make the most of it.
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Post by Haine on Sept 23, 2009 11:50:06 GMT -5
This was wrong. Utterly and completely wrong. So wrong that he even knew that he would probably go to hell for it. Yet if that was truly what Phil was thinking... why didn't he want to stop? Because it's worth it. That's why. Six words that seemed to justify everything, no matter how much it was wrong, no matter how much he may regret it later. A simple kiss was affecting everyone, whether they knew it or not. Yet right now Phil hated to say that he couldn't really give a damn. Because he was loving every second.
He wrapped his arms around Autumn's waist, drawing her in that extra bit further. Anything to keep her close to him. Anything so that this brilliant moment wouldn't die yet. Anything to keep those negative thoughts out of his head for even a moment longer. Eventually they broke apart reluctantly. Phil smiled sheepishly, staring down at his shoes. After a while, he looked up at Autumn with his usual casual grin. "I think the question should be why would you be concerned about me, anyway?"
The boy should have asked that question a long time ago.
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Post by diana on Sept 23, 2009 20:53:43 GMT -5
It seemed as though everything in the world was right at that moment in time. So wrong, yet so completely amazing that she couldn't be bothered to make it stop.
And when Phil put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer into him, it seemed as though perfect got a little more perfect. Even a tiny whimper escaped her lips. When did Phil get like this? He was so... sexysensative, and being dangerous careful, and just completely mind-blowing amazing. But it had to end. Unfortunately.
Autumn looked up at Phil with a kind of whimper across her face that said 'why did you have to stop?!' but she knew it was for the best. Although Phil wasn't looking at her when she made this face. He was avoiding her face for a little bit. She didn't blame him. Her face felt rather red with blushing non-stop.
It seemed like it took forever though for Phil to look up at her again, and ask the question she's been dreading. "Uhm...well.." she said, coughing slightly to cover up her blush. "I just..er..well...always worry about you! Because, well..I mean you're like...like a.." she drifted off, trying to find the right words. But they were failing her, and her lying wasn't working either. A sigh escaped her lips. The truth will set her free. She hoped.
"Ok. So. I've liked you for a while but I couldn't say anything cause I didn't know if I would've that it might freak you out but then you started "dating" Thalia, which I really don't understand by the way, because you really don't do anything with her and you don't act like you're dating but that's aside the point I just really really liked you and I've been thinking about you a lot lately because you've just gotten a lot better to me than any guy I've known and I think for the fact that we've been friends for so long that you might possibly have some miniscule feelings for me too but I can see that my hopes are so freaking low and oh dear merlin I'm rambling yes shutting up now."
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Post by Haine on Sept 24, 2009 12:53:59 GMT -5
"You always worry about me?" Phil asked, stifling a small laugh. Was he honestly that accident prone that Autumn was constantly concerned? If so, it didn't really surprise him. It usually was the case that the pathetic sod was in the hospital wing for something or another almost every other week. He seemed to have acquired the habit of falling on the stairs. Who's bloody idea was it to make stairs move anyway?! Well- whoever it was was long dead now. Phil hoped they were god-damn happy.
He was pretty much stunned into silence when Autumn explained the truth. She had been correct- Phil could now possibly count as 'freaking out'. For the most part, Autumn was right. He did have feelings for her. His relationship with Thalia was confusing. She was rambling. But seriously- what the hell was he meant to do? Or better yet, what was he meant to say?
Phil also seemed to have lost the use of words. Because even when he eventually tried to speak, nothing came out. For God's sake. Most people get verbal diarrhea. Phil? He got the bloody opposite. Verbal constapation. He may as well go throw himself off the tower while he was at it.
Right now, anything would be good. Anything to say at all. To show he wasn't having a heart attack or being a completely incensitive git or something. "... Shit." Ok- what Phil really meant was that anything to say other than that. Hey- he was thinking it.
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Post by diana on Sept 25, 2009 7:26:14 GMT -5
Autumn tried really hard not to wince as Phil let her entire explination run over him. Granted, it was a lot to take in at one time, but she didn't know how else to present it without involving maiming, threatening, or breaking down in tears. Figuring that a mega ramble-fest sounded the best, she had told him everything. Except that she loved him.
Wait. Did she just...
'No. I don't love him. I already kissed him, having him cheat on his girlfriend, me being the cheatee. I can't LOVE HIM TOO!' she thought frantically. But it had been true. They'd been friends since first year. They have gone through many close calls in the hospital wing thanks to Phil being so accident prone, and even more times Autumn stayed with him for hours on end, helping him with the homework he missed, comforting him when he was in pain, and just being there to be company. Plus the morning breakfasts every Saturday to catch up on what happened the week prior. And Phil telling Autumn all about Thalia when she'd known all this stuff already. She'd have to be a fool not to love him. She just wouldn't say it though.
Once Phils mind had caught up to the present, Autumn really did wince. "Shit" wasn't exactly what she was expecting. More of a 'oh I feel the same way!' or 'are you sure of your feelings?' or something along one of those lines. "It was stupid. I shouldn't've said anything. I'm sorry." she mummbled almost inaudibly, and started walking over to the balcony Phil'd been at just moments prior. Anything to put some space between them without leaving.
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Post by Haine on Sept 28, 2009 10:20:50 GMT -5
God, this really really really sucked. He finally manages to say something, and that something just had to be 'shit', didn't it? That just sounded insensitive and cold. Great. This was just bloody fricking great. First of all Phil cheats on his girlfriend, then he says something exceptionally prat-like to his best friend whom he also just cheated with. Things truly couldn't get any better. He let out an aggravated sigh, resisting the urge to go hit his head against the wall. Maybe then the world would start to be nice to him again.
There obviously was nothing that Phil could say to make this whole thing better, yet he tried nonetheless. "It's not stupid to say how you feel, it's brave." Well, it was true at least. Not many people would even say that, let alone admit that they liked someone. It was one of the things that Phil had always admired Autumn for, even if she did go off on a rambling spree occasionally.
Phil sat down on one of the steps, now facing away from Autumn whom, he had noticed, had gone to the balcony. Maybe there was just something about those railings that helped people to think. Not that they helped Phil at all... "Anyway, don't be sorry. I'm the one that needs to apologise. I got verbal constapation and 'shit' just happened to be the word that came out. I didn't mean it the way it sounded but I was kind of taken by surprise there--" Oh hell. Now Phil was rambling too. "Look - I'm sorry."
Well, he got there in the end at least.
ooc//BOOYAH- MY 300th POST ON BD.
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Post by diana on Sept 30, 2009 16:49:41 GMT -5
There wasn't much Autumn could do now. She already knew what had to happen, and already knew how this was going to work out for her (and probably how it was going to play out for Phil) but she didn't want to come to terms with it. Even though she had to.
Just as Autumn turned around and was about to tell Phil what was on her mind, he just had to speak.
So she stood there and waited for him to finish talking as he sat down on a step away from her. 'Great. I really did screw up things. Fan-bloody-tastic.' she thought, restraining from throwing herself off the balcony. It was a far drop. Instant death. Not that big of a deal. Hmmmm. Good plan. Oh stop with the suicidal thoughts and just get it over with. yelled a miniture voice in her head of Sirius. That boy just has to follow her around everywhere, doesn't he?
Finally Phil had stopped his rambling. Then there was a silence. Well, it was now or never.
"I accept your apology, even though you shouldn't be the one apologizing. But I say we skip this whole 'It's my fault, no it's my fault!' thing and face the facts. We kissed each other. We like each other. You have a girlfriend. I'm single but I jeopradized your relationship. I wont do that again. You're still one of my best friends, and I'll love you for that. But we both know what'll happen if or when this gets out. I'm sorry Phil."
Autumn took one last whiff of the cool fall air and walked towards the door, in which Phil was right next to. When she was about to pass him, she stopped, stooped down, and planted a soft kiss on his forehead, and walked away.
Yay for apologies?
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